White Widow No More

White Widow No More

By H Matthew D. Rodriguez                                                                                                                                  Written by hand on March 25th, 2026

 

“That’s it for this one, kid,” he said, “you’re gonna have to buy another car, and fix this one little by little.”

Shit, I thought.

The car had been sitting in the parking lot next to the track and ballpark for around a week after I got news that my old Ford Taurus got its expiration date. I fell sick with some flu or something and was out of commission for three or four days and nights. Then I decided I was going to run the car as close as I could to the house before calling a tow. I was feeling religious, so I invoked the power of God to get the car to the house, but he said no. My car died in a narrow mountain road curve, ridden with potholes next to an old timer’s place who’s selling a blue tractor. The type farmers use. The Mr., whose name I could not learn also had a nice red Jeep parked next to the tractor. But his small house was built on the side of a cliff, as were many other people’s homes in the area.

I had to stand in the road to direct traffic, while my car smoked out. I took a picture with my trustee flip phone whose camera isn’t very good, but on this occasion, did a neat enough job. The car had been a company car for Panadol. A cousin of mine worked for that company, and somehow the car came into his property. He later sold it to my grandfather for who knows what amount, and then my old man bought it from the older man. Finally, it was entrusted to me at the old age of sixteen. Pop was sick a lot during my last two years of high school. I didn’t know it then, but those were also the last two years of my old man’s life.

The car meant a lot to me; it got me though my years of college too. Its AC was ice cold, perfect for keeping me cool in this tropical climate. A lot happened after eighteen too. Now the car died just when I had started running ops to make some cheese. Coffers empty too. Starting an empire from the ground up comes with its challenges. Now stranded in the mountains without White Widow. Now dependent on borrowing transport to make a couple of bucks at the track until I think of a better heist.

I finally had a few clients consuming what I produced. I got news that one of my clients described my product as quality, and that he was willing to pay for quality. That cheered me up a bit from my mourning.

Now I had to think of a new scheme, something more profitable and invest the little I earn on something worthwhile. Tools, equipment… something, and stay alert for the big score.

In Solemn Silence

I put my hand on her shoulder.

What if she really doesn’t need me as much as I think she does?

She continues washing without looking at me.

She was here long before me and hopefully long after I’m gone, I continue to myself.

I walk away and continue about my unproductive day.

I return to find her in the room not immediately noticing she just got

off and upsetting call about a man who is coming to pass.

I tried to stay ajar from the ordeal as I suspected what would happen,

helping up close but holding my distance within.

But the moments are coming to pass, so I hold my tongue and listen in

Solemn Silence.

Then I think: Of course she doesn’t need me as much as I think. I’m in the presence of a woman

who has won Heaven time and again through her actions and Faith alone.

She’ll be just fine.

Best of My Love: A Poem

I gave her the best of my love, but she didn’t see it.

So, I waited, tried to let her know what I meant, then waited some more, but nothing happened.

So, I had to turn around and give myself the best of my love.

Solitude, I realized, had been my constant companion.

But, I wasn’t as alone as I thought.

I had been there with myself all along, and myself is all I needed first.

To love myself first, before I could spread the love to everyone else.

And then back to myself when the inevitability of rejection struck.

And now my life is a lot easier because of that.

 

Freedom

I like to drink, I like to smoke,

I like dreaming about things that never happen

when I’m perfectly sober. Life isn’t a checklist

of achievements, but just a set of milliseconds meant

to be experienced.

I like being alone with my dog listening to John Mayer

sipping on a guava soda.

What matters in life is freedom.

Freedom to sit in a field at night talking with

a good friend and marble at the night sky

watching the planes fly by wondering if one of them

could be a UFO ready to zap me away.

Freedom to take care of my father’s home.

Freedom to take care of my mother and write my stories.

Stories that people never read.

Freedom to go by in perfect anonymity.

Life this way is a perfect blessing.

It keeps me running and it keeps me high on life

Human life: a series of perfect mistakes.

2026: New Year

The last of 25 is gone now, the time for 26 is here.

The year of the lock-in and quantum leaps.

A new hope has arrived,

old friends are back and finally working

synergistically.

The fire is burning

now, no longer

just embers.

Carpe Diem is here…

The Ones Who Care

There are billions of us on our planet,

but only a handful, maybe only one

other, who cares whether

we

wake up in the morning

or

die in a car accident;

Whether we made it to our

destination, and

the time they should expect our return

to share a warm dinner.

These people might not always understand

us, they might argue with us,

and get angry at us,

but

when we lay our heads

to bed, we know they care.

Only these few, in this

vast world of ours.

So, why not stick around them?

Experience life with them

as a team.

The billions never would or could.

75th

Old man’s birthday, would be

75 today.

Wish I could sing him

Happy Birthday

how we used to around

the round table

with the cake, candles,

and ice-cream.

Watch a movie in the small

living room next to the laundry,

but now I live in the times

I write about

Him.

Bugs and Critters

Bugs and critters again,

full moon, partially clear skies

under a streetlight.

I used to dream about getting on a

rocket ship to sail the night sky

amongst the stars,

but it is pleasant enough to

look at the night sky from

down here in the mountains.

One of the clouds looks like a

great big white heart,

the kind one draws when

one is a child.

Now a strange face appears,

like Palpatine.

It all moves away now in a celestial

good-bye

with lots of funny faces.